responsibility

Woke up this morning before the heat kicked in.  As I lay there waiting to not see my breath as I breathed it, tangled in flannel and down, I realized my brain had taken off and was thinking thoughts without me.  It obviously had work to do and couldn't wait for the thermostat or the coffee maker to catch up. I jumped into the conversation midstream.  Sink or swim, eh? 

I heard my brain rambling on about personal responsibility.  Not the kind of responsibility that compels one to actually pay the bills, or get up on freezing cold days and go to work but the responsibility that  we have to one another.  The responsibility to care beyond the ends of our noses. I think my view of what that is is changing.

Yesterday I had my supervision.  I'm in the final year of art therapy training.  It's based in Anthroposophy (spiritual science) so it's not the usual Jungian art therapy training one gets in the US.  I went to Canada to meet with my supervisor- an amazing man, a psychotherapist and art therapist working in an anthroposophical medical practice.  He's kind of bumbly and brilliant and I'm coming to love him dearly.

He said this seemingly innocuous thing to me and my classmates as we met with him to discuss our work in our practicums.  He talked for just a moment about the realization in this work that we really are our brothers' and sisters' keepers.  Of course, it blew right in one ear and out the other when I heard it.  It was too close to the cliche for me to really hear what he meant.  My brain, though, was being smart, and pulled that one out the of the recycle bin to lob out onto the down and flannel of my early morning. Take another look at this, Ms. Smarty.

And so this morning, breathing puffs of cotton wool into the air, I try to unwrap this concept of being my brothers' and sisters' keeper.  Am I really that? 

At first I want to cringe away from such responsibility- it's too much.  It can't be a healthy thing to see the world in that light.  But then I pull off another layer.  I find a tab that fits a slot of something I already know and believe in.  I'm not in charge of the care and feeding of the whole human race, but I do have a vested interest in its survival, its happiness, its healthiness.  I wish it well. I do.  So what am I doing about that?

In this Tab A/ Slot B moment, I see the connection of my supervisor's cliched words of wisdom and my desire to find meaningful work in the world.  What I see isn't me saving the world (insert image of Mighty Mouse in midflight, powerful fist raised 'Here I come to save the day!'!!!!!!!) but a subtle shift in mindset, a subtle clarification of availability, or willingness to extend out of my own sphere. I can almost relax into this now non-burden of responsibility. 

Being open to help people the best I can, holding a space for them when they can't hold their own, honestly wishing them well and doing what I can to facilitate that wellness;  that's my responsibility.  Meeting the world with an open heart- that I can do even now, before the heat kicks in on a Sunday morning in midwinter.